Well, after looking at how many hits his story receives I decided to write another short story featuring him and how he came to live on earth rather than in one of the hell dimensions.
I hope you enjoy and remember to leave comments to let me know what you think.
|Image Source: dark.pozadia.org|
“Scratch my back and I'll poke out your eye”
By Marcus Twyman
“Shit!” The slice of tongue I had on my fork fell off of the prongs, landing on my newly drycleaned, shirt. I watched as the blood seeped into the cotton fibers of the fabric – it flowed across the strands like oil does on a candle wick.
Blah! I picked the tender piece of meat up between my fingertips and popped it into my mouth. I chewed and swallowed as I moved quickly to the kitchen, unbuttoning my shirt as I went. Reaching into the pantry, I pulled out a box of baking soda and some seltzer water. My mother had always said to use club soda but I didn't have any on hand. I slid the shirt off of my shoulders and poured a small amount of the seltzer onto the bloody spot and then added a thick layer of baking soda. After a minute of rubbing the fabric furiously, I poured some more seltzer on the stain and then threw the shirt into my washing machine. I'd just have to wait and see if I'd been able to save it from total destruction...if not I was doomed to endure another trip to the mall.
With a sigh, I moved back towards the dining room and sat down in my chair. Picking up my fork I said, “I bet you think this is funny, huh? Getting blood all over my clothes...do you have any idea how much it costs to dryclean blood out of a shirt? And that's assuming that it comes out – I might have to go buy another one!”
I glared at Dylan's face, hating the way his eyes looked so calm and collected. In a fit of anger I slammed my fork into his right eye, smirking at the liquid pop that followed. I watched as the gelatinous fluid flowed down his cheek, stopping in a thick puddle under his chin.
“How's that for funny, Asshole? You know what? I'm glad I killed you. All you ever did was act like a prick anyway.” I reached over and lifted the severed head from the tray it rested on and stared into its one good eye.
I sighed loudly as I said, “You're right, you're right...I need to chillax. I don't know what it is, I'm just so uptight lately. Could be work. I've got this fucking case that my boss Marley assigned me to and I feel like I'm running in circles trying to get all of the documents signed and, to top it all off, the client is such a bitch! Try talking to a 68 year old heiress who thinks that all men should lick her shriveled, sagging, cun – never mind.
“See? I told you, it has to be work. I think I'm gonna take some vacation time so that I can go vent or something. Maybe I'll commit a mass murder or kidnap a nun. Yeah, that would be hilarious!”
Glancing back down at the cold expressionless face in between my hands I said, “Gee, thanks for talking with me Dylan...I actually feel much better!” I stuck my finger in the bloody, ruined, remains of the ruptured eye and then licked the sticky contents from it.
“Mmm...you don't taste that gamey at all! I love bankers, they're just so – so – flavorful. Must be all of those expensive restaurants.”
I ate the rest of my meal, carving off half of Dylan's handsome face...the face that he used to use to swindle people out of their hard earned money, and dipping it in a broth made of his coagulated blood and boiled down fat...I even threw in some bay leaves for a little extra umpf. Can I just say...A-MA-ZING. I put the rest away in the refrigerator so that I could finish the other side of Dylan's no longer smug mug in the morning.
Sometimes it's hard being a demon. Especially a demon like me – one condemned to walk the earth forever. This place is sooooo boring, although not having to fight for food or smell like sulfur, aka shit, is a huge bonus. I mean, demon law says that we can only feed on those with little to no morality – bad people. Up here, on the top-side as we like to call it, there is no shortage of ill-willed, scandalous, murderous, people. It's like a freakin' buffet.
All my friends back home were like, “Charles, what are you doin' man, they gave you an option to stay in the dimensions didn't they?”
I had to explain the positives to them. They still didn't really get it, how could they. Demons, by nature, are creatures of habit – we kill, maim, harass, and slaughter our victims in territory that is won from rivals in the hell dimensions. It took me almost the complete 2500 years of my teenage years to get my own hunting grounds. Nobody could understand why I'd give them up. Let's just say that I chose the less painful route.
I was stalking my terrain, tracking the scent of a witch who must of fucked up royally on a spell that wound up throwing her into my realm. My scent glands told me she was on the edge of my domain. After tracking her across the scorched rocky surface of my homeland, I found her standing in the middle of a big, dusty, patch of land. The red glow of my dimension's triple suns bathed her in a bloody veil of light. Her ebony hair hung low to her waist and her tanned skin was smooth and perfect. I had images of my teeth shredding it while another part of me penetrated her in a different place...if you catch my drift.
I made my move, using all of my demonic speed, I ran towards her with my talons at the ready. My scaly hide reflected the red sunlight, saliva streamed through the serrated shark-like teeth that lined my mouth in double rows. I thought I had her, and then she turned around, a smirk planted firmly on her gorgeous face. There was only a second for me to wonder at why the witch would be so cocky when she was about to become a meal and a sex toy before her spell hit me. Razor blades of agony sliced into my body, dropping me like a twenty pound bag of potatoes. I tried to lift my head but the world swam with my dizziness. What the fuck did this bitch do to me?
I was only slightly aware of her approach, her shadow sliding along the blood red rock and soil of the ground. “Hello demon.” She said in a voice that rolled with power – authority.
“Oh, you have no...fucking...idea who you're...messing with, Lady.” I tried to sound like the big badass demon that I was, but the skull splitting headache and the pressure of the spell that still held me to the ground only allowed me so much leeway.
“On the contrary, you my scaly friend, are the one who is oblivious to your present circumstances. I am Linda...you know me as The Enforcer.
My already naturally bulging eyes, stood out another two inches when she said that she was The Enforcer. Oh fuckity-fuck-fuck, how did I get mixed up with this crap? My balls probably shriveled up like raisins from fear.
For those of you less than familiar with demon law and society, let me clue you in. As I stated earlier, demons only hunt the bad members of humanity. Of course, there's a lot of gray zones in which bad can be classified, but generally speaking, if you're an asshole...you're fair game. If you have to stop and wonder if you're an asshole – you are. So watch your back bi-atch!
Anyways, back to what I was saying. The only humans who can end up in the hell dimensions are those that have either been practicing black magic – thus screwing up a spell that lands them here (hence the reason I thought the lovely lady-witch was fair game), those that were hunted by The Collectors (demons who forage the earth realm for the rotten-hearted members of the human race), or servants (morons who are obsessed with demons but haven't necessarily done anything that makes them bad people).
The servants are good for letting go of one's sexual frustrations but other than that...they're useless. So, these three categories are where humans fall into when they enter our dimensions. The problem is that sometimes a demon goes rogue and starts to kill humans top-side who don't fit the bill for being on the menu, and when that happens...The Enforcer, aka bitch who zapped me with painful mojo, steps in to clean up the mess.
I never knew The Enforcer wasn't a demon. Who would? The only thing down here besides people for food are demons. She's walking around without a collar on to say that she's someone's servant, and she's human...well almost human, but why split hairs? Talk about sneaky!
That's pretty much it in a nutshell, so you can see why I wasn't too thrilled to be in the situation I was in. You know, with the powerful witchy-bitch standing over me.
“Charles...I want to give you a proposition extended from the Demon Council themselves. You have no need to fear being eradicated, although I must say, that would be a much more entertaining scenario.” She winked at me and then smiled before continuing, “You've been requested, and by requested I mean ordered, to serve the council.
“Umm...why?” What I really wanted to say was 'Fuck you hooker' but I had a feeling that that would end badly...for me that is, so I neutered my ego and listened.
“You have a clean kill record...no innocents have been taken. They need someone who can reign in the hunger and use common sense when making decisions. Putting the fact that you're quite dumb enough to charge a witch standing out in the open aside...that makes you the lucky demon.”
'Hooker', I yelled at her mentally.
“No, actually I'm not a hooker. However, if you don't stop calling me names, whether audibly or mentally, then I will castrate you...got it?”
Fucking telepath! I breathed in deep and then said, “Sure thing.” I made a mental checklist to say what I wanted to when she was gone.
She looked at me knowingly and smiled, “Good boy.”
“So...basically, you are being asked to make a decision. Either you can go top-side and live amongst the humans, eating whomever you want – as long as they qualify that is, or you can go to the hell dimension, SiðëçjloÞ. If you go top-side, you'll help track down rogues that come into your assigned area. If you choose SiðëçjloÞ you would help the council cull the young, weak, members from society before they start high school. Nobody likes the idea of their teenagers having to hang out with friendly demons, you know.”
My mouth fell open, “ SiðëçjloÞ! Do you know how long I waited to get out of there? Heaven no! I am not going back to the SiðëçjloÞ dimension. Uh-uh, no way, no how, sorry lady.”
“Send me top-side.” I didn't mind having prime pickings of the earth's shittiest people, but a high school hell dimension? No...abso-fuking-lutely not.
“Good choice.” There was amusement in her voice as she extended her hand out in front of her. No sooner than she'd done it did I feel the grip that held me to the ground release its hold on me. For a split second I actually contemplated trying to gouge her eyes out and then the memory of the painful spell she'd cast on me earlier resurfaced. Nope, didn't want to experience that again.
Anyways, long story short, I chose to come to the human realm to keep the stupid demons who didn't want to follow the rules from causing too much damage. Linda, The Enforcer, gave me her phone number so that I could let her know when I needed her to stop by and take out rogues who happened into my territory. She created a human disguise for me which acts as a second skin. Technically it is skin, spelled skin that I wear to hide my demonly good looks. I hate wearing it but I'd hate to be locked up in a government lab somewhere and dissected even more. Soooooo....I wear the disguise.
It's been five years since I've left my home dimension and I can honestly say that overall, the experience has been fun. It gets pretty boring between kills and meals, but when a good, evil, sonofabitch comes along...whoot-whoot! In fact, I have my eye on this boob-head that regularly beats his wife. I'm waiting on him to make another trip out of state to his whore of a mistress so that I can get a two-for-one deal. I'm thinking of a slow rotisserie recipe that would make their meat fall from their bones. I can't wait!
Well, I gotta go...big day at work tomorrow. I hope that old heiress' case is finally closed. I can't take another day of that crap. If I do I swear I'm gonna find a way that follows demon law to validate the execution of my boss Marley.
Talk to ya' later...oh, and remember that if your a douche, you could likely become a demon's next meal. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Peace out.